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    女房客之谜

    时间:2018-11-29 15:45来源:网络整理 作者: 阿尔杰农·布莱克伍德

      他坐着黄色的公共马车,到达目的地已是深夜了。经过三个小时缓慢的爬坡又爬坡,困坐在车内。累得他四肢僵硬,精疲力竭。呈现在面前的村子是一团黑糊糊的影子,家家户户早已沉沉入睡。只有小旅店门前还有喧闹声和灯火,一片忙碌的景象——但也持续不长时间。几匹马拖着疲乏的步子,没精打采地穿过道路,任凭挽具在尘土中拖曳着,消失在各自的马厩里。笨重的马车还留在原地,活像只断了腿的黄肚皮大甲虫。

      这位老师花了十畿尼(畿尼,英国一六六三年发行的一种货币,等于二十一先令,一八一三年后停止流通。)的钱要作一次旅游,旅途虽然刚刚开始几小时,已累得筋疲力尽,但仍然显得异常的兴奋。这个阿尔卑斯山高峻的山谷幽静极了。米迪地区那些逶迤起伏的山脊上空,星星闪烁,皑皑白雪衬着黑檀木般的山崖,如幢幢鬼影。凛冽的寒气里,弥漫着松树的芳香,散发着饱含露珠的草地和新锯下的木材的气息。他感到新奇而喜不自禁,片刻间,身心完全沉醉在这氛围之中。跟他一起的另外三位旅客忙着吩咐人家搬运行李,各自进入安排好的客房。他转身跨过地上粗糙的草垫,走进灯火通明的门厅。门边墙上挂着一幅很大的山地地形图,他很想上去仔细看看,但最终还是作罢。

      猛然间,他大吃一惊,煞是不安,一下子让他从理想国里跌到现实中来。原来这小客栈是村子里唯一的一家客栈,这里已没有空房间,甚至连店里的沙发也有人占住了……

      都怪自己太蠢了,怎么事前没有想到写封信来订个房间?话得说回来,这是不可能的事,因为他的这次旅游完全是临时决定的。记得当时在日内瓦一连一个星期的下雨天,那天上午突然云开雨停,阳光明媚。遇上这样的好天气,一时兴起,匆促间他才下了决心。

      一名号服镶着金边的杂役和一位脸色严峻的老婆子——他注意到她神情严峻——一直在叽叽呱呱,指指点点,没完没了,手始终指着村子的上下左右,像是在出什么主意,可他听不太懂,因为他的法语水平有限,而那一男一女一口的方言土语他听得一头的雾水。

      “那边!”——他在那边兴许找得到房间——“要么就那边!可咱们这儿,唉,全满了——满满当当,压根没想到。明天,兴许——要是某某把房给退了……”那神色严峻的老太婆说到这里,多次耸了耸肩,看了一眼那号服镶金边的杂役,而杂役睡眼惺忪,看了一眼老师。

      最后,他抱着莫名其妙的希望,按照老婆子不知所云的指点出了旅店,沿着街道,向老婆子方才指点的一座座黑洞洞的房子走去。他只知道,他得去擂人家的门,求人家借宿一夜。此刻他实在太困,想不出别的更周全的办法来。那杂役倒是出来要陪他去的样子,可到头来还是转身回去和老婆子聊天了。四周黑沉沉一片,那些房子显得朦朦胧胧,只能看出大概的轮廓。天气很冷,整个山谷里倾流而下的轰轰水声处处可闻。他隐约觉得,黎明怕是不远,他甚至可能要在林子里转悠,度过这一夜了。突然身后传来一阵很响的声音,回头一看,一个人影匆匆朝他赶来。来的不是别人,竟是那杂役——他是跑着来的。

      客栈的小店堂里开始又一场三方会谈,你一言,我一语,很是杂乱。其间老婆子和杂役用他们的方言不停嘟嘟囔囔地议论,叽叽咕咕地低声轻语,谈了一通之后,得出的结论是:“要是这位先生不反对的话——那边倒有一个房间,毕竟在底层——不过可以说也是‘有人占了’的。就是说……”

      不过这位先生并没有盘根究底下去,便要下这间无疑是天上掉下的房间。旅店经营道德之类与他毫不相关。既然这老婆子为他提供安身的地方,他何必跟人家争长论短,追究她所提供的房间合不合法。

      但是那杂役分明有点不自在。他陪着客人到客房去。他用英语夹杂着法语详细地讲了老板娘没有提到过的其他一些情况,明腾老师听了不免也随之不自在起来,只觉得自己这下落到一个可能发生的悲剧中了。

      每一个有过攀登高山谷地经历的人都体验到一种独特的刺激,都懂得其主要的诱人之处在于攀登过程险象环生,面对眼前的景色油然而生某种朦胧而强烈的恐惧感。当你抬头仰望荒凉而高耸的山脊,不由自主想到那些以攀登为乐的人,他们日夜兼程,登上云罩雾锁的山巅,一步一步艰难跋涉,征服冰封雪盖的绝顶。高空中他们永远播下险恶和恐惧。这种冒险的气氛,往往伴有发生极度险恶的悲剧的可能,但始终吸引那些探胜访幽之人,激发他们的想象力,促使他去深思遐想。明腾对那提心吊胆的杂役所说的话不甚了了,但对方的大概意思他还是听明白了。这房间原本住着位英国女人。她外出时坚持不带向导。她是两天前,天亮前不久离店的——这杂役亲眼看她走的——可竟然一去不回!她走的那条线路崎岖难行,十分危险。但对熟练的登山者来说,即使不带向导,也算不了什么。这位英国妇女是位有经验的登山者。而且她很自以为是。听不进别人的劝告和忠言,是个极端自信的女人。此外,她这人很古怪。总是独来独往,有时把自己锁在房间里,几天几夜不让别人进去。明摆着是个不折不扣的怪物。

      这许多情况都是明腾从那杂役口中听得的,其间,他帮着搬行李,整理房间。此外,他还听说,已派出一路人马上山搜索了,他们随时都可能会回来的。要是那样的话……房间还没人住,可房主人还是她。“要是您先生不反对的话——要是他愿冒这个险,不怕三更半夜冷不防被人赶出门……”这位嘴巴讲个不停的杂役,既让他了解到更多的细节,又使这场交易大可怀疑。于是明腾设法尽快打发走杂役,好赶快让自己躺到匆匆铺就的床上去,在自己被人驱逐出房间前,争取多享用几个小时。

      说实在的,起先他感到不自在——确实不自在。他这是待在别人的房间里。他没有权利待在这儿。他这不是私闯他人的领地吗?当他打开行装时,禁不住频频回头四望,像是生怕角落里有人在窥视自己。仿佛外面过道里随时都会传来脚步声,有人敲门,接着门打开,他就看见那个精力充沛的英国女人怒气冲冲,上下左右打量他。更糟的是,他会听到对方责问自己,待在她的房间里——她的卧房——居心何在?当然,他会说清原委,可毕竟……

      接着,他想到自己这时已是衣衫不整,片刻间,脑海里闪过一个怪念头,不禁发出笑声——只是轻轻的浅笑。他轻轻一笑后,立刻感觉到原先感到的那种悲惨境地。也许,就在他发出笑声的刹那间,她已陈尸那凶险的高峰,全身冰冷,断肢残体,寒风夹着白雪,戏弄她的秀发,无神的双眼茫然地凝视高天的星辰……想到这里,他不禁打了个寒噤。他与这个女人素未谋面,连姓甚名谁也一无所知,可是她的形象却真真切切地出现在眼前。他几乎认为,此刻她就在这房间里,与他同在一起,躲在什么地方,把他的一举一动全看在眼里。

      他轻轻地打开门,把靴子放到门外。然后又关上门,转动钥匙反锁上门。他打开行李,把为数不多的几样东西零落地摆放在房间里。事情很快就处理完了,因为首先,他只带一个小手提包,外加一个背包;其次,房里可以堆放衣物的地方只有一个沙发。见不到五斗橱,而那个其大无比、结实的衣橱是上了锁的。英国女人的东西分明是被匆忙塞进橱子里的。唯一能说明她最近在这里住过的只有一束阿尔卑斯山玫瑰,插在洗手架上的玻璃瓶里,已经凋谢。此外,还残留一股淡淡的香水味。但是尽管房里只有这点小小迹象,他还是从中看出,整个房间弥漫着一种怪异的气息,说明房间是有主儿的,这很煞风景。过了一会,他觉得这气息里微妙地包含“人刚走”的感觉。接着又平添了“还在房里”的古怪印象,想到这里,他不禁一转身,急不可耐地看看背后。

      总之,这房间令他深恶痛绝,恨不得把瓶里凋谢的玫瑰花扔出窗外,再把自己的雨衣挂上衣橱的门,尽可能把它遮起来,眼不见为净。因为在他的想象中,这个又大又丑陋的衣橱里面装满了一个女人可能再也用不着的衣衫,且不停地栩栩如生而鲜明地浮现在脑海中,他见了定会激起不安和惶恐,而且随之会有一种不可名状的恐惧渐渐在心中浮现。无论如何他见不得这令人厌恶的衣橱,几乎是出于本能,非把它遮掩起来不可。最后,他熄了灯,上床睡了。

      可是房间一旦没了灯光,他更受不了。而且,黑灯瞎火中,还突然袭来一股不知从何而来的冷气。奇怪的是,他点起床头的蜡烛,竟发现自己的手在发抖。

      这局面自然太难堪了。他这是到了疑神疑鬼的地步,再也不能听之任之。但是说来要摆脱这困境的办法倒也别致。他方才种种举动正说明是他自己心里有鬼,才生出恐慌,而恐慌一旦深入心中,再驱除它就难了。他侧身躺在床上,胳膊肘支着脑袋,仔仔细细把房内的东西记录下来——意在把所见、所触的物件一一盘点盘点,然后划上一道线,最后加起来,得出结果:“房里的东西全在上面!样样东西我全算进去了。没落下什么。这下可安安心心入睡了!”

      就在他荒唐地盘点房里家什的时候,算着、算着,只觉得一种难耐的倦怠感可怕地袭来,害得他很难进行下去。这感觉来势惊人地迅猛,不知不觉间轻而易举地制服了他。他只感到浑身酥软无力——一种无法言传的疲惫感。它所产生的第一个效果就是消除了心中的恐惧感。他再也没有足够的余力去害怕和紧张了。他还是觉得很冷,但惊恐感消失了。论个性,他平日里一向生气勃勃,但此刻,他内心的角角落落里开始潜入一种毒害肌体的疲惫感,片刻间似乎变成了精神上的萎靡不振。他忽然意识到自己是多么愚蠢,生命是何等的空虚,努力和争斗又是何等的无聊——使生命变得有价值的一切的一切如今看来都变得毫无意义——这种感觉渗入了他的每个细胞,使他陷入了虚弱无力的状态。一种人力所难及的、绝望的厌世感遍及他内心深处的角角落落……

      他内心出现的种种形象无不蒙上灰色的阴影:君不见那些疲惫而大汗淋漓的马匹正挣扎着爬坡,却落得劳而无功的结局;君不见那名神情冷峻的老板娘为了满足贪财的欲望,费尽心机,丧尽天良——为的是区区几法郎的小利;君不见号衣上镶着金边的杂役,费尽口舌,献足殷勤,卖力起劲,恨不得把自己知道的一切都抖搂给他!可他们这般劳碌有什么好处?说到他自己,只不过是一个预备学校里的小小教师,干尽费力而乏味的工作,可到头来又捞到什么好处?得到什么前程?生命的奥秘深不可测,最终的归宿渺不可知,那么种种不可靠的劳苦的价值何在?如此说来,什么劳精费力,遵纪守法,埋头苦干,无不是愚蠢之举!行乐享受竟是镜中花、水中月,高尚的生活无非是竹篮打水一场空!

      想着,想着,明腾猛地感到自己的情绪不该这般颓废,跳将起来,险些打翻蜡烛。经常情况下,他从未出现过这样消沉颓废情绪,所以这突如其来的反常心境使他作出强烈的反应,但为时短暂。片刻后他又被滚滚浪涛般的消沉情绪所压抑、所淹没。他的工作——充其量只能让他当上个小小的预科学校校长而已——也和这次阿尔卑斯山之行一样,将是愚蠢而一无所获。他真是个大傻瓜,怎么会远离家园,背上背囊,为的是攀登什么山,折磨得筋疲力尽,一无所获,落得双手空空的结局。想到这里他感到一种阴森森的悲凉凄惨。人生原是一场可怕的骗局!宗教只是哄孩子的儿戏!一切无不是害人的陷阱——死亡的陷阱,造物主用来让人上钩的色彩斑斓的诱饵!可是这诱饵图的是什么?毫无价值!世间万物皆空。唯有一事是真实的——那就是死亡。越早发现这真实的人越加幸福。

      那么,为什么等着死亡降临呢?

      想到这里,他吓得胆战心惊,便从床上跳了下来。太可怕了。单纯出于肌体的疲劳会导致他精神上变得如此阴暗消沉、会令他感到前景如此渺茫无望,使他变得如此懦弱,突然感到前景茫茫,万念俱灰吗?正常情况下,他是个达观而精力充沛的人,过着健康而不落伍的生活。这骇人听闻的颓废感却彻底毁了他性格的基础,而成了求死的欲望。这似乎发展成他的第二性格。他读过一些书,自然知道,有些人由于受到打击,性情、记忆、嗜好等等变得和原来截然不同。当时他为此感到害怕。虽然科学家言之凿凿,可难以置信。可如今他自己身上就发生类似的事。毫无疑问,他正体验着另一个人的心理变化!这是不道德的。太可怕了。但是——唉——毕竟是挺有意思的。

      他觉得有意思,这一感觉是他开始恢复自我本性的第一个征兆。因为感到有意思意味着要活着,意味着热爱生命。

      他跳下床后,三两步奔到房中央,打开电灯。他第一眼看到的就是那个大橱。

      “好哇!就这家伙——这该死的衣橱!”他脱口喊了起来,喊得很响。里面放着那个已死女人的全部内衣、裙子、外衣和夏装。不管怎么说,他反正知道,她已命丧黄泉……

      就在这时候,从敞开的窗子外传来瀑布的哗哗声,使他联想到那白雪皑皑荒凉的高山,清晰地出现在眼前。他看到她——确实看到她,就躺在坠落的地方,脸上盖着寒霜,白雪在她头发和双眼周围飞舞,她的断肢残体横卧在冰块上。片刻间,面对这幅艰难攀登而落得粉身碎骨结局的女人的图像,他精神上的疲惫感——生之虚妄感,悄然消失了。不是吗,人的渺小的力量敢于与严酷无情的大自然巨大威力抗争,虽是英勇之举,却是徒劳的。他原有的本性又恢复了。然而立刻又感到那可怕的寒冷、空虚和无为。

      他发现自己就站在那存放她衣物硕大的衣橱前。他突然想看看那些衣服——她用过的和穿过的东西。衣橱近在咫尺,几乎伸手可及。他果然立刻触到了。他用指关节敲了敲。

      他为什么要敲它?说不清。也许是本能驱使。是内心深处的某样东西驱使他——命令他动手。他敲了敲橱门。木板发出沉闷的声响给这寂静的房间带来的是——恐怖。为什么会带来恐怖?他自己说不清。恰如他说不清为什么身不由己去敲打衣橱。可事实是,他听到了衣橱里响起微弱的声响,这清楚说明那女人就在里面,他惊得呆立着哆嗦起来。同时他可怕地预感到,几乎是希望听到里面传出回应声——也许听到的是挂在里面裙子的窸窣声,也许,更糟的是,看见锁着的橱门慢慢地在他眼前打开。

      从这时起,多多少少显出他已部分失去自控能力,至少丧失了判断力。你看他内心产生一个无法抗拒的欲望,想要打开橱门,看看里面那些衣物,于是他用房间里所有的钥匙,一一去试,但就是打不开。结果,他还没意识到自己在干什么,便按起铃来。

      但是在大清早两点钟,无缘无故,毫无道理地按了铃后,他就立在房中央等着服务员进来。这时他第一次意识到,是自身之外某个东西逼着他作出了此举。差不多好像指挥他的是内心的一个声音……过道那边终于传过来脚步声,进来一位怒气冲冲、睡眼惺忪的女佣,立在他面前,满脸的困惑:这么晚了,打铃召唤人来为的哪一桩?这可难不倒他,轻而易举地把要说的话说了出来。刚才迫使他非要打开衣橱的那股力量,此刻又让他不由自主地说出话来。

      “我打铃召呼的不是你!”他说得斩钉截铁,且显得很不耐烦,“我要的是个男人。把那个杂役叫醒,立刻打发他过来——快!听到没有——快!”

      女佣看他那么焦急,吓了一跳,赶紧走了。她走后,明腾才意识到,自己方才竟说出这等话,不但吓坏了那女佣,同样也出乎自己的意料之外。话说出了口,他才明白自己到底说了什么。这时,他知道,某种力量,一种与自己本性格格不入的力量,利用了他的思想和器官。刚刚控制他的那种阴暗的忧郁感也是这种力量在作祟。这位失踪的女子的精神力量强大无比,短时间内控制过他——也许是通过房间内还属于她的东西所产生的氛围传达了她的意志。但是,即便此时此刻,那杂役来不及穿外套、戴领圈,赶来立在他面前,他还要声色俱厉,一口咬定非要对方把衣橱钥匙找到,打开橱门不可,不容置疑,不得延误。他仍然不明白,自己为什么这等固执己见。

      这场面也够古怪的。那杂役到过道另一头与那女佣不知所云耳语一通之后,好不容易找来了钥匙,疑虑重重地给了他。无论是杂役,还是女佣实在不明白,这位激动的英国人到底要干吗,为什么他在大清早两点钟急不可耐地要打开衣橱。他俩满脸狐疑,打量着接下去他要干出什么事来。他这急不可耐的举动,甚至刚刚流露出的恐惧,竟感染了这两位下人,钥匙在橱门锁孔里转动时发出的刺耳咯咯声把他俩吓了一跳。

      他俩屏声敛息,看着橱门嘎嘎地慢慢打开。只听得橱门内另有只钥匙“咔嗒”一声落到木板上——橱底的木板上。原来衣橱被人从里面反锁上了。可是发出尖声怪叫的不是别人,而是那女佣,她站在过道上,吓得跌倒在楼梯的栏杆上,因为她首先看见——

      那杂役没有去救她。老师和他径自同时奔到橱门前。橱门洞开着,他俩也看到——

      挂衣钉上没挂着衣服、裙子或外套什么的,他们见到的是那英国女人的尸体,晃晃悠悠地悬空吊在那儿,脑袋前伸。橱门一开,气流进去,使女尸慢慢地转过来,脸对着他俩……橱门的背面用图钉揿着一只旅店里的信封,上面歪歪斜斜用铅笔写着这些字:

      “厌倦——不幸——绝望沮丧——无法活下去——一片黑暗。我务必一举了断……原想在山上完成,但我害怕了,便悄悄回到房间,没被人看见。这办法最容易,也最好……”

    Tags: 房客 衣橱

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