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  • [故事大全] [手机访问]
    当前位置: 首页 > 笑话段子 > 

    葫芦娃

    时间:2018-09-17 15:33来源:故事会 作者: 刘文锋

        试探
        张大爷最近被查出患有心脏病。在住院期间,他发现自己睡觉时,老伴总爱不时用手在自己的鼻孔处试探。时间长了,张大爷很不开心,有一次,他故意屏住气,想看看老伴究竟有什么反应。沉默了几秒钟后,只听老伴喃喃自语道:"坏事了,来不及问银行存折的密码了!"(刘文锋)
        孙子的疑惑
        刘爷爷七十岁后,开始学书法。他每次执笔的时候,手总抖得厉害。五岁的孙子见了,疑惑地问:"爷爷,写毛笔字真的那么吓人吗?"
        (梁小燕)
        隐情
        固定电话与手机结婚后生下了儿子小灵通。随着小灵通一天天长大,他发现自己越来越不像父母:既没有固定电话妈妈的高稳定,也没有手机爸爸的强信号。终于有一天,小灵通忍不住了,问固定电话妈妈:"妈妈,我究竟是不是你和爸爸的儿子?"固定电话妈妈有些难为情地说:"孩子,你长大了,我该告诉你实情了,你的亲生爸爸不是手机,是对讲机。"
        (眷茗)
        葫芦娃
        五岁的丁丁喜欢看动画片,一天,他看完《葫芦娃》后,对妈妈说:"妈妈,你也给我生七个葫芦娃兄弟吧!"
        妈妈听了哭笑不得,于是问:"妖精都被打死了,还要葫芦娃有什么用?"
        儿子一听,生气地说:"妈妈好笨呀,你不会再生两个妖精出来呀!"(佚名)
        借指甲刀
        小明觉得自己的指甲有一点长了,就问身边的小王:"你有指甲刀吗?"
        小王摇摇头说:"没有。"他还解释道,"平时指甲长了,我一般都用牙咬!"
        小明觉得很好笑,说:"那你能帮我咬吗?"
        小王立马说:"行;把你的手伸过来,我咬给你看。"
        小明大笑起来:"我今天可是脚趾甲有点长。"
        (快乐)
        真会说
        一天晚上,母老鼠在外面玩时发现一小袋面粉,便独自吃了起来。
        母老鼠回到家后,公老鼠看见她脸上全都是白色粉末,就纳闷地问:"你的脸怎么了?"
        母老鼠害怕公老鼠责怪自己独自享用面粉,于是装出一副妩媚的样子,说:"亲爱的,你不是总说我皮肤黑,不好看吗?我脸上刚擦了美白霜,现在好看了吧?"
        (李柏坚)
        买碗
        有一天,小刘去超市买碗,他一眼就看中了货架上的一只彩色小碗,小碗里画着小狗图案,特别可爱。小刘心想,儿子一定会喜欢,于是就将小碗买下了。
        回到家,小刘把碗递给妻子,喜滋滋地说道:"你看,多漂亮的小碗,儿子一定喜欢。"
        妻子接过这只小碗,看了一下,突然大怒道:"你真粗心。"
        小刘惊问:"怎么啦?"
        妻子指着碗底,说:"你仔细看看。"
        小刘凑过来,看见碗底印着四个烫金小字:宠物专用。
        (王伟)
        带啥呢
        付美眉刚休完产假回来上班,脸上洋溢着初为人母的幸福。她张口闭口都离不开自己的宝贝儿子,总说儿子可爱得像一个小玩偶。
        周末,公司要搞个小型聚会,地点定在同事小微家。大家兴高采烈地商量各种细节。饭菜由小微操办,身强力壮的崔哥申请带啤酒,女中豪杰于姐背饮料……大家争先恐后地掺和着。
        这时,付美眉也自告奋勇地站出来,说:"吃的喝的都齐了,我只好给你们带‘玩偶了。"
        (梁斌)
        新款面膜
        周六,小美去同事芳芳家做客。进屋后,小美发现芳芳正对着镜子从脸上撕下一层白膜。小美从没有见过这种面膜,于是问芳芳"这款面膜很特别啊,新买的呀?是什么牌子的?"
        芳芳一听,"呵呵"笑道:"什么面膜呀,我和儿子在比赛吹泡泡糖,我吹得太用力,泡泡吹破了,全糊在脸上了。"
        (梁斌)
        金点子
        为了配合妻子减肥,丈夫已经有半个月没碰肉了,为此丈夫一直闷闷不乐,对此妻子心知肚明。这天,妻子和丈夫去超市,在一处日用品货架前,妻子拿着两瓶空气清新剂征求丈夫的意见:"柠檬味和茉莉味你喜欢哪个?"丈夫说:"我无所谓,闻着都没味道,你看着办吧。"
        妻子扭头问导购小姐:"有肉味的空气清新剂吗?"导购小姐一愣,问:"肉味?怎么可能有肉味的呢?"
        妻子一本正经地说:"没有是吧,那就当我免费送你们公司一个金点子,以后不妨出个肉味系列的空气清新剂,像什么鱼香肉丝、回锅肉、东坡肘子、孜然羊肉……"
        (梁斌)
        早做安排
        大伟家住乡下,邻居们关系很好,收成时,都会互相分送给左邻右舍。由于大伟平常上班不在家,邻居们习惯把菜啊什么的直接扔进他家的院子,等他下班时再拿进屋里。
        有一回,大伟休假在家,五岁的儿子骑着三轮车在院子里玩,突然儿子"哇"的大叫一声,大伟赶忙跑到院里,只见儿子头上有一大束芹菜。见儿子张大嘴巴停在原地不知所措,大伟笑着说:"别紧张,这是隔壁张妈妈送我们的。"大伟转身回屋,突然他想到什么,又冲出来警告儿子:"不行,儿子!以后你不能在院子里玩了。"
        儿子委屈地问:"爸爸,为什么?"
        大伟说:"过几天,隔壁王伯伯家的冬瓜要收成了!"
        (李健业)
        担心
        一场大雨将一对恋人堵在宿舍里,眼看天色已晚,男友指着旁边一张床,说:"今晚就在我宿舍里过吧,我的同事回家了,你可以睡他的床。"
        女友一听,面露难色,说:"不行呀,你宿舍里的同事以后会说我上过他的床!"
        (刘文锋)
        搭电梯
        在一栋办公大楼里,曾发生过这么一件事:那天,电梯门将要关上的时候,从远处跑过来一位小伙子,嘴里喊着:"等一等。"有人立马挡住了电梯门。小伙子飞快地朝电梯跑来。他刚进电梯,里面就传来"滴滴滴滴"的响声,小伙子一愣,不解地嘀咕道:"奇怪,电梯里才六七个人,怎么可能超载啊?"说罢,还是无奈地走出电梯。
        电梯门关上后,一男子掏出手机,不解地说:"我手机响了,他干吗出去?"
        (义青)

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