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    升堂

    时间:2019-01-31 14:15来源:网络整理 作者: 佚名

      第一回小县令奋擒大钦差

      县令施正迟头戴素金顶官帽,身穿黑缎平金绣八宝鸳鸯补服,望着大堂上方“明镜高悬”的牌匾,他心情很好。绍兴师爷吕仁奉上一杯热茶,施县令对他说:“身为一县之尊,地方太平,为善者多,为恶者少,实为本县幸事!”

      “对对,这都是老爷您辛勤培育之果!不过今天是要忙乱些了。”师爷递茶给县令说。

      “为什么?”

      “老爷可知当今西太后慈禧老佛爷御前总管安德海安公公?”

      “西太后身边红人,权倾朝野,内阁宰辅、军机大臣见了他都恭敬七分,谁人不知?”

      “这安公公奉旨采买龙袍,今日由本县过境,乡绅富贾已到城外十里相迎,可您……”

      县令面露愠色:“你先生饱读诗书,可知道大清祖制严禁太监出宫?何来奉旨采买?”

      “是是,龙凤袍乃是圣物,也是大清律明禁的!”

      “本县又没有接到官文,自见怪不惊!倒要看看何人狗胆包天,敢破大清祖制招摇过市……”县令的话音刚落,一身钦差服饰的大太监安德海,带着一位身着四品文官彩绣雁补服,头戴青金石顶子官帽的叶富和商人打扮长袍马褂的李有财昂然进了县衙正堂。安德海用女人嗓音道:“今天就让你这七品小吏见识见识敢违大清祖制,狗胆包天之人!”并一脚踢开了要禀报的衙役。

      举座皆惊。

      四品官叶富喝道:“还不跪下?!”

      师爷腿一软就要跪下,被县令一把拉住。安德海上前扯住县令耳朵把他拉下公座自己稳稳地坐了上去。

      县令:“你是何人敢在公堂之上与本县动粗?”

      叶富道:“这就是奉旨钦差,当今西太后慈禧老佛爷御前大内总管安德海安公公!你还不快行大礼?!”

      县令说:“你不就是本县那个煤老板叶富吗?前两年你拜见本官,两个鼻洞里还满是煤烟,怎么如今就是四品的服饰啦?噢,我明白啦!你买了个官!你捐了个官!”

      叶富很得意:“和县太爷同朝为臣,幸甚!”

      县令:“我真想一头撞死!看看花钱买的候补官也对我指手画脚!”

      安德海立起,他从靴页子里掏出几张纸选出了一张:“叶富接旨!”叶富跪下。“实授叶富正四品道员,择日赴京面圣领命。钦此!”

      叶富:“领旨谢恩!”

      县令大怒,冲至公案前一拍堂木:“大胆太监,我等寒窗苦读二十载才考得个功名,你给个官比吐口唾沫还容易,你收了多少赃银?"

      安德海大骂:“本钦差口含天宪,你他妈的不如老子一条京巴,匡然敢如此冒犯。”

      大清国二百年铁律如山,你个太监矫旨冒钦差,这是死罪,还敢咆哮我公堂,还不从实招来?

      安大笑:“你凭什么?”

      县令托起官印。

      “凭这个?这值几两银子?”安德海把县令打倒在地,县令用官印狂敲地面,大喊:“升堂——升堂——”众衙役上堂,雁翅排开,刚挨了安德海一脚的捕头张虎照安德海就是一个耳光:“听你说话就是个太监,还装有鸡鸡的孙子!”

      安德海连滚带爬又掏出一道圣旨,念:“安德海奉旨采买,沿途府道不得轻怠!……”

      张虎一把夺过,交与县令。三人仔细看过有太后龙凤笺大玉玺的手谕,绝对是真。这可怎么办?抓还是不抓?

      县令说:“他是个干啥的?太后老佛爷的尿壶他都天天抱着,这懿旨弄几张还不容易?!”

      和安德海同来的古董店老板李有财此时可是条斯慢斯理地说话了:“正堂之上,慢怠、殴打钦差,这才是死罪!

      安德海一脚踏在官椅上,惊堂木一拍,高喊:“刀斧手——”刀斧手应声而上。“你个狗胆包天的芝麻绿豆官,今天我让****个来回!”丢令牌于地:“给我绑去砍了!”刀斧手把县令拖下大堂,除去顶戴,“还有这个!”刀斧手也把张虎拿下,将二人按在地上,头上垫了木墩子,去了大刀的红封套子,张虎对县令说:“老爷,咱们下去和阎王伸冤去!我还跟着您老人家!”

      安德海高喊“用刑——”

      第二回县太爷妙审腐败案

      大堂外应声道:“刀下留人——”。疾步上来一位军官,对大家一抱拳:“标下是巡抚标营把总,有巡抚大人手谕。”说着挽起县令,交给他一封信。县令看罢,手一甩交给了安德海,安公公一看立时面色惨白,那是巡抚丁宝桢的手谕,上面写着:“疑安德海矫旨私自出宫,着即押送省城。”

      县令高举手谕:“诸位看清了,这是本省巡抚丁宝桢的手谕。来人,把安德海给我拿了!”

      “谁敢?”叶富叫一声,横在了安德海前面,安德海飞快地把一件白绢的什么东西塞给了叶富,冷冷地说:“我倒要见识见识你们这位不知死活的丁大人。”

      县令叫李豹:“就由你将安公公送省城。”

      “一路小心,千万不可逃了!”师爷又叮嘱。

      见押走了安德海,四品道员叶富和古董店老板李有财也要开溜,“慢!”县令制止说:“给叶大人看座。我有几句话请教这位古董店李老板。”

      李老板:“不敢,不敢,父台只管吩咐就是。”

      县令:“我请问你可有功名?”

      师爷:“功名就是有没有学历。”

      李有财:“小的没有。”

      师爷:“你没有功名,按大清律在大堂之上见了朝廷命官你该下跪的,为何不跪啊?是因为你仗了安德海和叶大人的势?!所以你不但不跪还羞辱县令咆哮公堂?”

      李有财胸脯一挺说:“师爷,都怪小的腿硬。慢说是个小小的县衙大堂,就是知府、巡抚的大堂,俺也是不跪的!”

      县令大怒,叫人:“给我先掌嘴二十!叫他腿硬嘴也硬!”

    Tags: 升堂

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