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    曹富贵投胎

    时间:2018-12-16 09:58来源:网络整理 作者: 佚名

      活了八十几年的曹富贵寿终正寝,被黑白无常抓住了鬼魂,准备送去阴曹地府投胎。

      一切生死秩序看似井井有条,但是曹富贵却苦不堪言,七老八十死了,本来以为鬼魂会遭受正常待遇,他还想贿赂二位给她贵宾级投胎待遇呢,可无常不给他vip服务啊,不仅不接受曹富贵的贿赂,还把他五花大绑,拳脚相加,一路上,曹富贵被打的嗷嗷只叫。

      他终于忍受不住了,苛问道:“二位阴差,我在世时好呆是个大官吧,你们怎么能这么粗暴对待我?你们怎么这么不懂礼貌,你们尊老爱幼吗?”

      黑无常厌恶说:“你废什么话,你作恶多端,不踢废你都对得起你。”

      曹富贵一阵心虚。谁说不是呢?他在世时不知道干了多少缺德事,却没想到死后被鬼差惦记,真是善恶终有报啊。

      终于到了阴曹地府,这不看不知道,一看吓一跳,原来不止人类科技发达,连鬼类都不甘落后,投胎通道要经过大厅,由于投胎鬼数众多还要排队叫号,还要柜台鬼小姐开什么投胎允许证。

      曹富贵经过大堂经理的帮助,终于拿到一个0099的排队号,前面还有40个鬼,按照人类排队银行时间等待,那还不是大半天的事情,曹富贵当官当习惯了,他和一个号码是二十号的鬼说:“哥们,我们换一个号码吧,你看我年纪一把了,你就发发善心吧,这大厅冷,我一把老骨头的经不起折腾。”

      那个鬼一脸鄙视说:“凭什么?这里办证程序太复杂了,老子好不容易等了三天,还没有轮到我,你还想跟老子换票,你死一边去吧,要不是有很多鬼差把守,我早就把你ko了,”然后把鬼脸哼唧唧的偏在一边。

      曹富贵何时受过这样的气,只差没有当场吐一口血,但有什么办法,那个鬼是壮年鬼,属于早死,他怎么打的过,只能乖乖排队。这队一排就是十天十夜啊,曹富贵直接快崩溃了,好不容易轮到他办理业务了,人家工作鬼员又要下班了,据说要等半个月,才开始营业,曹富贵感觉天都要塌了,怎么投胎这么困难呢?

      十五天后,终于营业了,柜台阴差给曹富贵办理了一张投胎允许证明,拿到证,就要过安检,不允许携带易燃易爆,有毒危险品过投胎通道,否则没收罚款,拘留处置,曹富贵这到很放心,他死后家人给他烧了很多贵重物品,还有一百万真现金,在阴间,那简直是翻倍啊,好在,在一张储蓄卡里面储存着,曹富贵贴着身藏,等待投胎前一秒给工作鬼员贿赂贿赂。

      曹富贵很顺利的过了安检,之后,被鬼差告知,除了投胎允许正,还要身份证,党员证,结婚证,离婚证,学历证,甚至还要确认肉体死亡证,缺一不可,否则不予投胎转世,而没有离过婚的只需要结婚证,没有结婚就死的,就不需要和婚姻相关的证。没办法,投胎心切,好在家人把证件都烧给了他。

      身份证在红外线扫描中,很快被仪器确认,曹富贵姓名属实,没有整容,身份证比真实鬼龄小了三岁,总体评分80,合格。党员证被仪器自动生成,曹富贵,入党五十年,入党积极参加工作,相应领导号召,但后期庸庸碌碌,受贿行贿,当了市长后,处处违法违纪,不及格50分,曹富贵傻眼了,五十分,会不会影响投胎质量,他可卯足劲儿要投一个高富帅的。结婚证扫描显示,曹富贵之妻,比曹富贵小35岁,不属于和谐婚配,不合格0分。离婚证显示,曹富贵,离婚三次,原因是包养情人,包小三,人品不合格分。学历证显示,曹富贵,大学本科毕业,品学优良,但有才无德95分。

      最后,死亡证自动显示,曹富贵,在人间阳寿已尽,经过检验,尸体已经腐烂,但是,占用非法地基修建豪华坟墓,占用面积140平方,人神共愤,天理不容,30分,不合格。

      曹富贵一颗心悲喜交加啊,就像过山车,好在他一颗心脏还能承受,因为他有钱,有钱能使鬼推磨,储蓄卡里面的钱足够他任性。

      这时,到了最后关卡了,曹富贵需要被脱光衣服,全身扫描,好出一个整体综合素质评分,最终确定他投什么胎。他十分配合关于投胎的一切工作,很快,经过全身扫描后,大屏幕仪器上哗啦啦一串数据闪了半个小时,最后变成了一条狗,曹富贵的心猛的揪成一团。

      投胎当狗?那怎么行,于是他给把关的鬼差说:“兄弟,我兜里有卡,可以让你逍遥一辈子,你给帮我投一个高富帅怎么样?”

      鬼差冷冰冰说:“你还不想当狗?那好,给你投个苍蝇。”

      曹富贵赶紧说:“兄弟,给个面子,等我投胎做富人了好报答你。”

      鬼差冷眼道:“你还想当狗不?难道你真的想变苍蝇,整天在屎堆里面飞?你在世时作恶多端,不好好体恤百姓,还鱼肉百姓,嫖娼离婚,包二奶找小三,现在要么就是狗,要么就是苍蝇,二选一。”

      看到鬼差那么强硬态度,曹富贵绝望的晕倒了。

    Tags: 曹富贵 投胎

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