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    苗月猫黑段子

    时间:2018-12-10 15:31来源:网络整理 作者: 佚名

      深夜,赵文提着一个沉甸甸的包,硬着头皮跑进了一座很大的墓园。每到一座墓碑前,他就拿出一张表格烧掉,然后哆嗦着说:“我是丧葬用品店的店员,最近店里生意不好,老板印了市场调查问卷,让我来这儿烧给你们。无论有什么事你们都去找我老板,千万别来找我。”说完,他对着墓碑磕上一个头。

      这个墓园太大了,赵文磕头磕得腰部快断了,才在所有的墓碑前都烧了表格。之后,他匆匆收拾了一下,想赶快离开墓园。

      突然,一只手搭在了他的肩头。他吓得浑身一抖,怯怯地说:“我都说了,这是老板让我烧给你们的,无论有什么问题都别来找我。”

      一个苍老的声音从他背后传来:“小伙子,我是墓园的管理员。墓园有规定要文明祭扫,不能烧祭品。所以你不仅要交一百元罚款,还要把墓园打扫干净。”

      无奈,赵文交了罚款,拿起笤帚拼命扫起了地。扫地时,他一直低着头祈祷,千万别遇上鬼。不知扫了多久,他终于把地扫完了。他正要交差离开,一股阴冷的旋风从墓地中钻出来,幻化成了一个鬼。

      赵文吓得跪地求饶道:“调查问卷是老板要我来这儿烧的,你有什么问题应该去找他!”

      “我不会伤害你,只是想让你帮我搞个调查。”鬼说道。

      赵文提着的心放了下来,擦了擦汗问道:“是不是要填表?”

      “现在的人胆子越来越大,我们吓人越来越难了。今天,我特意准备了很多惊悚恐怖的造型,你看看效果如何?”

      话音刚落,鬼就变出了一个极其骇人的造型,吓得赵文当场断了气。

      报恩

      看着眼前胖得没形的刘东,医生疑惑地歪着头:现在已经限制他的饮食了,怎么体重还在疯狂地增长‘而且,他不像其他减肥的患者那样一个劲儿地要吃的,好像一点儿饥饿的意思都没有。莫非他藏着食物?想到这儿,医生在病房内转了一圈,却并未发现任何食物。医生百思不得其解,只得退出了房间。

      确定医生走远后,刘东得意地一笑,拿出一沓纸钱在墙角烧了起来。纸钱刚一烧完,一个小鬼就端着一堆食物出现在了他的面前。

      刚被家人送进减肥医院时,刘东绝望极了。得知病房内有可以运送食物的小鬼后,他便经常趁人不注意让小鬼给他送东西吃,而他只要烧些纸钱作为酬劳就可以了。

      他端起食物,美美地吃了起来。可他刚吃了几口,医生居然冲了进来。

      “我就知道这里面有鬼!”说着,他用一个贴着符咒的口袋套住了小鬼,并且收走了他面前所有的美食。

      “所有的鬼都是害人的,你怎么能吃鬼送来的食物!”医生冲刘东厉声吼道,然后提着装小鬼的口袋往门外走去。

      就在医生转身的时候,刘东灵机一动,把口袋的底部剪出了一个小洞。一股黑烟悄悄地钻了出来,医生背着空口袋出了门。

      黑烟变成了小鬼,它“嘿嘿”一笑说道:“谢谢你救了我,我要好好报答你!”

      “你是不是要给我更多的美食?”刘东激动地叫道。

      小鬼摇摇头,说道:“不,我要告诉你一个秘密。其实,我喂你不是图你烧的那些纸钱。前不久,我们大王听说人间有一种叫’填鸭‘的喂养鸭子的方式,就命我效仿此法找个能吃的胖子喂出个’填人‘来。今夜,我们大王要举办干岁寿宴,它老人家特地嘱咐我务必将’填人‘烹制成一道佳肴。现在你可以死个明白了,我也算是报完恩了。”

      下辈子的好日子

      集市上,周明正吃着烤串闲逛,一个算命先生挡住了他的去路。

      “这位帅哥,我算出你是个有福之人,少说能活一百二十多岁呢!”算命先生捋着胡子说道。

      听算命先生这么说,周明忙问:“除了长寿,我有没有升官发财的机会?”

      算命先生掐指算了一下,摇头道:“你这辈子会一直庸碌平凡。”

      “难道就没有任何转机了?”周明忙问。

      算命先生又认真算了一下,笑道:“有转机。下辈子你会大富大贵,一生一世都有享不尽的荣华富贵。”

      周明犯起了难,自己现在还不到二十岁,还要再过一百多年才能过上大富大贵的日子,他真有些等不及了。

      想到这儿,他忙说:“要不我现在就自杀,这样就能马上过上好日子了吧?”说着,他举起烤串的铁钎子就要往自己脖子上戳去。

      算命先生赶忙制止他道:“这可万万使不得!这样只会遭到地府的严厉惩罚,你那大富大贵的好日子就彻底没了。你只能等活够这辈子的寿命,才能去享下辈子的福。”

      提前死不行,可自己又等不了,周明便缠着算命先生让他帮自己想想办法。

      算命先生沉吟良久,才说:“我倒是有一个办法。就是把你的魂魄取出来,让你的魂魄沉睡,然后再找一个鬼附在你身上替你过完这辈子。睡着了你就不会觉得时间长了,一觉醒来后就能去投胎过好日子了。”

      周明觉得这个主意好,听后当即答应,只等醒来后去过下辈子的好日子了。

      等周明的魂魄一离体沉睡,算命先生立刻露出鬼的原形,附到了周明身上。它奸笑着说道:“这个大傻瓜真好骗,放着好好的日子不过,非追求虚无缥缈的下辈子。这回就便宜我了!”

    Tags: 墓园 表格

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